valentine's day/ grammy's birthday

i have had some decent valentine's days and some not so decent (down right terrible) ones. but no matter how good or bad it is, there's always an ache in my heart. this year it's especially bad. i miss her terribly. and every year, we let balloons go for her. but since i had to come back to school today, i had to let one go by myself, without the rest of my family.

middle of november

and it's 75 degrees in phoenix.

amazing.

as was HP7- part 1.

PHOENIX

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jam-packed few weekends

1. halloween weekend! even though i have to work tomorrow, i still have a halloween party tonight, a halloween/birthday party tomorrow night, then trick-or-treating with the kids on sunday!

2. i'm going to the marine corps ball next thursday! flying in that morning and staying until sunday. i'll only be about an hour and 20 minutes away from disney... interesting...

3. going to florida! we are surprising my uncle for his 40th birthday.

i. am. excited.

20.

all day people were asking me, "so has anything changed now that you're 20?" or "do you feel different now?" and all i had to say was "no, nothing has changed. i feel the same."

but as i drove home on deer valley road all the way from desert ridge after seeing the midnight premier of jackass 3D (hilarious btw) with my windows down and music up in the almost too-perfect weather, i realized this: 20 can be different if i want it to be.

i will no longer dwell on the past. i will no longer be angry at the person who hurt me the most. i will make an effort to meet new people. i will make an effort to stay close to the people that have meant the most to me, even if it means i will have to face the emotions that i want to run away from. i will never again lose myself no will i let a boy take over my life.

so the next time someone asks me if i feel any different now that i've been alive for two whole decades, i will say, "yes."

why

does the rain keep hiding from me? it rained while i was sleeping in phoenix. and now it's been raining while i've been in class. all i have gotten to see is the spots on my windshield and the puddles on the ground.

dear rain,

i would love to see you. to hear you. to feel you. so please, stop avoiding me.

it is so WINDY

and over 40 degrees cooler than what i got used to during my summer.

even though i'm only two hours away, i already miss home.

i haven't even gone to my first class yet. not til 2.

so i guess i'll have more to say once i actually begin the school year lol.